The “People Pleasing” Bride

I’ve been engaged for about 3 months now to my fiancé, Oscar, and can honestly say that it has been one of the happiest, most exciting times of my life! However, like many other brides, I’ve recently come to the realization that although I’m armed with all of the support, tools, enthusiasm, and knowledge necessary to plan a wedding, my habit of being a “people pleaser” is still a hard one to break. Just because I’m the bride, I’ve been told to feel totally comfortable with making decisions based on what makes ME happy. I’m now somehow “allowed” to ignore what everyone else wants, and only consider what Oscar and I want (…going against everything that comes naturally to me).  However, for me, and for many other brides out there, this is still easier said, than done. Luckily, I’ve learned a few ways to “own” the title of “bride”, while realizing that although not everyone will agree with every decision I make, they can still respect & excite in the planning process! Here’s how…

Confidently Decide & Articulate What You Want

Among all of the excitement of the initial planning, it is easy to get caught up in the opinions, ideas, wishes, and priorities of all of the people around you. However, that is exactly the reason why it is so important to prioritize quality time for you and your fiancé to openly talk about the decisions that need to be made together... just the two of you. From the food & drink to the attire and flowers, there are quite a few topics that should be discussed from the “get-go”. Doing this will give you time to evaluate and reflect on what is truly important to the two of you on the big day; helping you confidently articulate to others what YOU ‘VE decided that YOU want.  Of course, it’s important to be thoughtful of the opinions and preferences of your loved ones; however, don’t allow them to fog your initial goals that you and your fiancé have established for the wedding day. The others around you will appreciate your respect of their wishes; but at the end of the day- if the two of you are happy-then everyone else will be too.

Learn to Love & Control Your Budget

The budget may seem like a limiting factor when it comes to planning an event; however, it should actually be viewed as an identifier for who you really are as a couple. Everyone will spend money differently, (and offer their opinions as to how yours should be spent) so make sure you’re prioritizing the spending based on what will showcase your relationship best! Creating a prioritized list of what is important for the wedding will allow you to stay on track financially and ensure that the money is allotted to the elements that matter most to you and your fiancé (regardless of how others think you should spend the money). If you create a clear plan for how and why you want to focus your budget towards specific elements of the wedding, others are more likely to be supportive and happy about your choices.

*After all, the budget is the main element that can determine many decisions throughout the entire planning process; you might as well learn to appreciate and manage it confidently!

Be Realistic About What You Want

Lastly, keep this in mind: you will never please everybody. It’s impossible. When thinking about the wedding, make the choices that genuinely make you and your fiancé feel happiest! And know this: when it comes to weddings, there will always be a “more beautiful bouquet”, a “more exquisite dress”, a “better song choice”, a “more delicious plate of food”, a “colder beer”, or a “tastier piece of cake”.  That’s just life. No decision you make to please yourself or others will change that fact. But if people realize how happy you two are on the big day, then none of those other details really matter anyway. The decisions you make will please your loved ones once they realize that the choices you’ve made about the wedding genuinely reflect your relationship, priorities, and new life together. Besides, this is the one opportunity you have to please others by putting yourself and your fiance first.



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